Joke Thread

During the wedding night, young woman discovers that her husband has only half a foot on one leg, and a wooden prostheses to fill the shoe.
Next morning she goes to her mom and complains: "My husband... he has only half a foot."
Mom replies: "So what? Your dad's was also no more than six inches and we managed..."
 
During a flight, passengers spot that pilots are walking away from the flight deck, wearing parachutes. They start worrying and one of them stops one of the pilot and asks: "Is everything OK?"
With a tired smile the pilot replies: "Oh, thank you for asking, but don't worry. It's just some problems at work."
 
This based on a true story -

There was a car crash and the cops were on scene directing traffic through the only open lane.

One of the cops waves a car through when the driver stops right at the cop. The driver then opens their window and asks, "What happened?"

The cop politely replies, "Well. I waved you through and you stopped."


Here is a bonus -

A rookie deputy and their patrol sergeant went to a call at house way out in the country. After getting back to headquarters the rookie is astonished at the condition the house was in and says he cannot believe the smell and all the mud that all over the room.

The sergeant replies, "Son...that wasn't mud."
 
Contains profanities
Little Tom has been asked to the blackboard and needs to solve a formula, the teacher wrote down. But he can't figure it out and mumbles: "Bloody hell." spots the angry look from the teacher, panics and tries to apologize: "God damn it, I mean fuck!"
 
On a slightly-related topic, does anyone know if there are amish Buggy Vloggers? I mean, it's hard to tell - they'd just be BLOGGERS :D

-John
 
Sri Lankan president asks his advisor: "Is the town quiet?"
Advisor: "Yes, the town is completely quiet. It's only the looting rebels who are making the noise."
 
"Steve, is that really you?"
- "That's me."
"Is that the same Sportster you bought two years ago?"
- "The very same."
"But I was told you crashed it beyond repair and ended up in wheelchair yourself."
- "As you can see, not a scratch on me, nor the bike."
"I don't know, if I can believe you. The guy who told me this, is much more trustworthy than you...."
 
Did you hear about the people busted for running counterfeit underwear sales websites stealing money?

They were told to take them down.

;)

For an encore -

There was another group running a sweatshop making counterfeit lingerie.

They got busted in a panty raid.

:P
 
A young author asked a more experienced writer, to read his first play, to get some feedback.
The experienced writer commented: "I would change only one thing - at the end, the main character should not walk off stage, but ride a loud chopper off the stage."
Young author is surprised: "A chopper? Really? Why is that?"
Experienced writer replies: "So the audience would wake up, just in time to leave."
 
Did you hear the police could not solve the murder at the mime school?

The witnesses would not say anything!



Did I hear someone type "encore"?



Why to bank robbers always bathe before a heist?

They want to make a clean getaway!
 
How about some observational humor/joke?

Most of us know the nursery rhyme about Jack Sprat eating no fat and his wife eating no lean.

Only as an an adult did I wonder how that affected their love life.
:rolleyes:
 

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