Joke Thread

"So, you had your driving test yesterday?"
"I did."
"So how was it, did you pass?"
"I don't know yet."
"How come? What did the examiner say?"
"I did not get a chance to talk with him, before the ambulance took him away."


"Hey, darling! How are you!"
"Aww, so nice to see you, it has been too long!"
"I know. What have you been up to? I heard talks that you posed for a famous artist."
"I did, and in nude."
"Wow! What will the painting be called?"
"Eve and the snake."
"And who posed for Eve?"
 
Theodor said:
"So, you had your driving test yesterday?"
"I did."
"So how was it, did you pass?"
"I don't know yet."
"How come? What did the examiner say?"
"I did not get a chance to talk with him, before the ambulance took him away."


"Hey, darling! How are you!"
"Aww, so nice to see you, it has been too long!"
"I know. What have you been up to? I heard talks that you posed for a famous artist."
"I did, and in nude."
"Wow! What will the painting be called?"
"Eve and the snake."
"And who posed for Eve?"
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That first joke was a killer! :p
 
This one is one of my childhood favorites. It helps if you have basic knowledge of the book Karlsson-on-the-Roof

Karlsson is visiting a lady, and they are doing the grown up stuff. Suddenly the lady asks: "What if my husband comes home?"
Karlsson: "I'll jump out the window."
Lady: "But you'll fall to your death."
Karlsson: "No, I can fly."
The next moment they hear the door slammed and Karlsson darts out the window. Husband enters the bedroom and immediately asks: "Who has been here?"
Lady: "No one."
Husband: "Then who's pants with a propeller are those?"
 
Theodor said:
So I guess this is it for covid. Considering Queen Elizabeth got it now, I am sure Bond will be sent after it.
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He is already there from what I hear. Would have been there sooner if the damn dogs would move!

tumblr_p7ea8qJDJW1tq4k2zo4_500.gif
 
From Russian daily news:
Last night, due to careless shaving, the house of Balakin family caught fire, in the village of Mertvoi Korovy. By the time firefighters arrived, the next house had also caught fire. By the time firefighters finished putting out the fire of Balakin family house, two more houses had caught fire. Situation was getting worse by the minute and local firefighters were no match for the disaster. In the end army firefighting brigade was called out from nearby army base, who eliminated the possibility of the fire spreading any further, by shelling the houses which would otherwise have caught fire next.
 
Theodor said:
From Russian daily news:
Last night, due to careless shaving, the house of Balakin family caught fire, in the village of Mertvoi Korovy. By the time firefighters arrived, the next house had also caught fire. By the time firefighters finished putting out the fire of Balakin family house, two more houses had caught fire. Situation was getting worse by the minute and local firefighters were no match for the disaster. In the end army firefighting brigade was called out from nearby army base, who eliminated the possibility of the fire spreading any further, by shelling the houses which would otherwise have caught fire next.
Click to expand...
I bet the base was loading the shells for firing before the first house even had smoke. The possibility of fire seems to be enough at the moment.
 
From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -
  • In the radio version, after the discussion on the "How, Why and Where" stages of galactic development, it also elaborates the three phases of warfare, the "Retribution, Anticipation and Diplomacy" stages, which are summed up thus: Retribution ("I'm going to kill you because you killed my brother.") Anticipation ("I'm going to kill you because I killed your brother.") And Diplomacy ("I'm going to kill my brother, and try and kill you on the pretext that you did it.")
Guess where we are today...
 
A man arrives home only to find his place in the bedroom is already occupied. Furious, he punches the stranger right in to the face and kicks him out the door, in to the stairway.
Next evening he finds the same guy again, laying next to his wife. The only difference is the black eye the guy has. Equipped with the same emotions as last day, he throws the guy out, from the balcony.
A day later he finds the guy, this time with his arm in cast and bandages around his head, in the bed with his wife again. Completely shocked from the persistence, he shouts: "How hard is it to understand I don't want you to come anywhere close to my wife?"
The injured man replies: "Why didn't you say so? What's with all the vague hints?"
 
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