Joke Thread

[Theodor]

Accountants husband can't sleep, so he turns to her and says: "Honey, tell me, how was work today?"

***

Police pulls over two speeding bikes and tells the riders to write an explanation of what they did. The rider who was behind writes: "The traffic in front of me was going maybe 170, and I was just calmly cruising in the flow of the traffic."

 

[R-Rated]

The rider who was behind writes: "The traffic in front of me was going maybe 170, and I was just calmly cruising in the flow of the traffic."

Reminds me of this excuse...

 

[Theodor]

"Your drivers license please!"
- "But you still have it, from the last time."

 

[Theodor]

Modern day philosophy: "Which got expensive first, chicken or egg?"

 

[YBGuy]

Reminds me of this excuse...

View attachment 7498

Haha, nice!

 

[Theodor]

Dad shouting to his daughter, who has been outside in the dark for couple of hours already: "What are you doing out there for so long?"
She shouts back: "Just enjoying the moonlight."
Dad: "Well it's getting late. Tell the moonlight to hop back on his bike and come back another day."

 

[Theodor]

When I was small, I told my mom that I was afraid of sleeping alone. My mom stroked my hair and with a mellow smile said: "Silly boy, you're never alone here. The boogieman is right under your bed."

 

[R-Rated]

When I was small, I told my mom that I was afraid of sleeping alone. My mom stroked my hair and with a mellow smile said: "Silly boy, you're never alone here. The boogieman is right under your bed."

I think the worst thing about the boogieman under your bed is his voice in music and loud dancing.

 

[Theodor]

"I love people who use their head." says the KIng.
"Ah, you mean people who do not blindly believe, but have weighed the issues of belief and made up their mind about it." says the archbishop.
"No, I believe his highness means people, who make wise decisions with their funds." says the minister of finance.
"But I just like anyone who still had their head." says the executioner.

***

Weak drinkers sleep face in salad. Strong drinkers in pudding.