Joke Thread

[R-Rated]

A former actor goes to medical school to become a urologist.

He opens his medical practice under the name - No Part Too Small.

 

[Theodor]

Police officer complains to his colleagues: "I had a date last night, with that gorgeous young lady I told you about. We had a great meal and excellent discussions. Everything was near perfect, until I was about to drive her home. Trying to be a gentleman, I opened the car door for her, but then the habit kicked in and I pushed her head down."

 

[R-Rated]

Police officer ... Trying to be a gentleman, I opened the car door for her, but then the habit kicked in and I pushed her head down."

At least it was while opening the door.

 

[Theodor]

Man to prostitute: "Last time I was with you, you gave me the clap"
"No." corrects the prostitute: "I sold it to you."

 

[R-Rated]

Two janitors were making out at work when someone shouted, "You two should get a broom!"

 

[Theodor]

"How does your mom give you so much lunch money every day? My mom calls to the school cafeteria every day and asks exactly how much the food is."
- "Mine calls every day too."
"But what trickery do you use then?"
- "I only tricked her once, when she asked the number of the school cafeteria, I gave her the number of one of those Michelin star restaurants."

 

[Theodor]

There was an ad online, that adult photo models are required. Hourly wage was promised 8000€. A young lady figured that's a good way to make some money and showed up at the advertised address. There was a photo studio and bunch of guys, who looked like your classical mobster business men. Deal was made and she started posing for the photographer. After about six hours of blood sweat and tears, she felt she had enough and asked for her payment. The boss asked the photographer: "How many pictures have we got?"
- "512, boss"
"And what exposure time did you use?"
- "1/125, boss."
The boss then turns back to the model and says: "You have worked barely 4 seconds, and already asking for money?"