Joke Thread

[R-Rated]

WARNING - This joke may offend.

I read a study that most friendships dissolve after 7 years.

I guess I need to get stronger chemicals for my barrels.

 

[Theodor]

Surgeon is speeding down the highway, with his sports bike and gets pulled over, by the police.
The officer can't even introduce himself, before the surgeon shouts at him: "If you had not pulled me over, I'd be in the hospital already!"

 

[R-Rated]

How do you know when you encroach on the border of a nude resort?

When the guard shouts,
"Halt! Who goes bare?"

 

[Theodor]

Ad in paper: "S/M porn actors needed in UK. Pay in pounds."

***

I was so nervous about a presentation I had to do, I had trouble sleeping the night before. Decided to take a good sip of valerian. The whole night I had dreams of kissing a bearded woman. Next time I'll leave the cat outside.

 

[R-Rated]

I walked into my surgeon's office to find him putting his timepiece in his desk drawer before heading to the operating room.

I asked him if it was for hygiene.

He replied no one was dieing on his watch.

 

[R-Rated]

Mr. and Mrs. Cameleon were having a fight in the forest. She had enough of his ways and was threatening to leave.

"But honey don't leave. I can change!" he cried out.

 

[Theodor]

"Our son has become unbearable. He only keeps taking advice from complete idiots. You should talk with him."

***

"Mom, I got maximum score in a test today."
- "That's great news! What was the test on?"
"Blood alcohol level."

 

[Theodor]

Q: What do you call it, if group of primates purchase a motorcycle, produced in the 60s, in Izhmash factory?
A:

Spoiler

Planeta of the apes