Joke Thread

[Theodor]

Sportbike guys discussing:
"So how expensive is it to ride one of those?"
- "Not too bad, about 3 fines per gallon."

 

[R-Rated]

Sportbike guys discussing:
"So how expensive is it to ride one of those?"
- "Not too bad, about 3 fines per gallon."

Reminds me of a conversation I had with a fellow soldier/rider back in 1994. He told me how great fuel mileage he got on his new sport bike. It was really good and much better than my old bike was getting at the time which had me stopping every 120 miles for fuel.

I asked him how often did he have to stop whwn riding back to the State he lived in.

He said every 100 miles because the riding position was on his bladder.

 

[Theodor]

Political party publishes their plan of action, for next term, as part of election campaign. In the plan they state that they will make people happy and wealthy.
By some accident they forgot to publish Annex 1 - List of people.

 

[Theodor]

President is about to give speech. There is a huge crowd. People are pushing and nudging each other, to get a better position. One man mumbles: "Can't see anything from here."
Another one says: "I can lend you my binoculars."
First one: "No need, I have optical."

 

[Theodor]

"Mom, I have a test in geography tomorrow. Can you help me study?"
"Sure. What is the capital of Germany?"
"Berlin."
"Very good. How about France?"
"Berlin, ask me something harder!"
"How about the capital of Poland?"
"Berlin."
"You're such a smart boy, Adolf."

 

[R-Rated]

A man sits at his breakfast table looking dejected as he drinks his morning coffee.
"What is wrong dear?" asks his wife.
The man sighs and then says he wants to go just one day at work without having to say "my God" in reaction to something.
"But you are the priest dear."

 

[R-Rated]

Linguistics experts have traced a phrase used in speech so far back in time that it is the likely around as old as the universe itself.

The phrase -
"There's a first for everything"

 

[Theodor]

Man is on a fishing trip by the Nile. He's sitting on a rock, angling, and suffering the heat. A crocodile pops its head out from the water and says: "Are the fish biting?"
Man: "None the whole day."
Crocodile: "Hot, isn't it?"
Man: "Yes, it is."
Crocodile: "The sun burns your skin?"
Man: "Yes, quite bad too."
Crocodile: "Maybe a quick dip, to cool yourself down?"

 

[Theodor]

God sends an angel to Earth, at the beginning of school year, to see how students are doing. Angel reports: "Medicine students are studying, pedagogy students are studying, engineering students are partying."
In the middle of the school year, God send the angel to check up on students again. Angel reports: "Medicine students are studying, pedagogy students are studying, engineering students are partying."
Just before exams God sends the angel for another mission. Angel reports: "Medicine students are studying really hard, pedagogy students are studying almost as hard, engineering students are begging for gods mercy and divine intervention."
God rules: "Lets help the engineering students this year."