Joke Thread

[Theodor]

Two old men sitting in front of a cafeteria in Beijing, discussing life.
One of them concludes: "Neither of us will live to see true communism. But our grandchildren, I feel sorry for them."

 

[Theodor]

"I gave my wife a diamond ring for her birthday."
- "I thought she wanted to get a motorcycle, so she could come and ride with you?"
"Well yes, but do you know anyone who sells fake motorcycles?"

 

[R-Rated]

"I gave my wife a diamond ring for her birthday."
- "I thought she wanted to get a motorcycle, so she could come and ride with you?"
"Well yes, but do you know anyone who sells fake motorcycles?"

Years ago I heard someone say their mom and dad rode a touring motorcycle together. The adult child bought the couple headsets for the bike.

Their dad said something like, "thanks, if I wanted to talk to your mother that much I would not have bought a motorcycle."

 

[Theodor]

Two threatening looking men stop a small time businessman on the street: "This is the last time we are going to tell you, pay your loan. There will be no more warnings!"
The businessman sighs with a relief: "Thank god this is the last time. Your persistence was starting to get on my nerves already."

 

[Theodor]

Gazillionaire is on his deathbed and dictating his last will: "My third wife will get the two estates and my oil company. My personal doctor will get the lake house he likes so much, with all the boats. My daughter will get my car collection and the flight company. And my son, who keeps saying that real wealth is honest work and good health, I live my overalls and shovel."

 

[Theodor]

Tough guys in a bar, several strong drinks in, start telling their heroics.
"I once killed a whale, with a rifle, with a single shot."
"I wrestled a bear and killed it with my pocket knife."
"Have you guys heard of the Dead Sea? I did that..."

 

[Theodor]

Businessman is upset at his wife: "I can't tell you anything anymore. Last weekend I told you, in confidence, about our new secret project, and today I already heard about it from other people. You just blab out every secret, don't you?"
The wife in turn gets upset: "But I did not blab out the secret. I exchanged it against another secret."

 

[Theodor]

Elon: "There are many ways of making money, but only one of them is an honest way."
Donald: "Oh really? Which is that then?"
Elon: "I knew you don't know it."

 

[R-Rated]

Elon: "There are many ways of making money, but only one of them is an honest way."
Donald: "Oh really? Which is that then?"
Elon: "I knew you don't know it."