Hmmm, I used to work with special needs kids at a school (in fact, for a while, at a number of schools

)... I've seen it all, too ~_~ . Two things I've learned (one you've already mentioned):...
* If you feel like all of the bases with your kid hasn't been covered (as in a misdiagnosis, etc.), then make as much noise as you can until things get resolved... sometimes that's what it takes

.
* The other thing is... if you find the right Doctor or professional who cares, then the end-result will be much better

. There are some Doctors out there who don't really care... so if you don't like the first opinion, get a second or a third

... there'll be someone out there who will want to help

.
So with your first son, did that insomnia get figured out

?... I wasn't too clear what ended up causing it, sorry ~_~ .....
...and a side note... my dad has Tricare. It was great and he loved it until it got switched over to United Health ~_~ . They do nothing but screw up >_> - he probably feels your pain

heh.
Anyways, I admire you for having been a foster parent and having/had special need kids... it ain't easy

!