Odd Tales of the Road......

lol .... fair enough

.. but seriously.... how much of a 'jellybean' do you have to be to not notice someone sitting in the back of your car? .... do people walk around holding their breath till they get dizzy and woozy .. then hop in and drive off without noticing or looking? ..

.. fair enough if its a proper Demon that can just appear or some shit!! .. ;) ... aint no one can expect a demon to just pop into the back seat!! unless you happen to be driving this thing!! :D

Demon-Car-e1316113062407.jpg
 
I've a few interesting stories from being on two wheels in Japan. From the cops over there to my run in's with both taxi's and Yakuza.

Cops story

Riding back home late one night from finishing my classes and belting along the Shin midosuji (Expressway). Not really any cars out and in a world of glee as the day was over.

Coming up to my exit at Banpaku and come off the ramp at a decent speed and can see the lights are still green. Didn't really start to brake as thought I'd be able to make it. Lights turned amber and still thinking that I'd be ok. Couldn't see the traffic to the right (heading in the direction that I wanted to run) as there were no headlights shining. As I was about a bees dick from the intersection stop line, the lights turned red but I brezzed on through.

"Wooooooo Wooooo" went the sound of the local jacks with sudden lights flashing. Grrrrr....the fuckers had been waiting behind the lights where I couldn't see with their lights off.

I pulled over and they pull in ahead of me.

Over the mirophone I'm told to turn off the bike and get off. The cop walked over and takes me back to the back seat of his car so that they can talk to me.

Hop into the backseat of their car and they realise that I'm a gaijin (foreigner). They ask for my licence and the cop starts trying to speak to me in English but his Engrish English was terrible. I thought, "If you fuckers are going to try to speak English, I'm not going to make it easy to give me a ticket so I won't use any Japanese! :rolleyes:

The cop starts off "Eto....Eto.... REDo Stoppu!"

"Yep" I reply, "Red Stop"

"Hai. Blue Go". (For some strange reason, although traffic lights in Japan are the same colours as everywhere else, they insist on calling the green light Ao. This is my chance to play a little difficult).

"Hmmm... Red Stop Ok, Bluego...wakaranai" (Bluego...I don't understand).

He repeats it, "Redo Stopu, Blue Go".

This goes back and forth about 4 or 5 times, in the end, he gets frustrated, hands me back my licence with "Ki o tsukete" (Be careful)! LOL

Phill rode off into the night a free and happy man!! LOL

cops.jpg
 
Taxi's

It's been often noted that I seem to have an aversion to taxi's.

I was riding back from classes in Ashiya (near Kobe) to Suita and happily belting along the road follwoing one of the god awful taxi's.

Let me explain that in Japan, taxi's are a law unto themselves. They offer great service (ridiculously good in actual fact) but they have fuck all consideration for other road users.

Anyway... I digress.

Taxi out of the blue slams on his brakes in the middle of the lane, no attempt to pull over to the side at all and parks his machine.

Well....I for one as being committed to the fight against injustice decided to do something about it! The situation caused me to emergency brake where the back of the bike was sliding up what felt alongside my shoulder and I came to a neat stop next to the taxi. A whole flurry of expletives flew from my pretty mouth, so to emphasise my point, I politely 'tapped' on his side mirror with my fist in a downward motion causing said mirror to hit the road tarmac and shatter into a million pieces.

The look of horror was priceless, and then Phill once again rode off into the sunset a content and happy man knowing that justice had again prevailed!!

The below picture is quite common in the cities over there where taxi's will park 3 lanes across a 4 lane road. THIS IS NOT A PARKING AREA PEOPLE BUT A FREAKING ROAD FOR CARS/MOTORBIKES TO TRAVEL ON!!!

japanese taxi 3.jpg
 
Phill Andera said:
Taxi's

It's been often noted that I seem to have an aversion to taxi's.

I was riding back from classes in Ashiya (near Kobe) to Suita and happily belting along the road follwoing one of the god awful taxi's.

Let me explain that in Japan, taxi's are a law unto themselves. They offer great service (ridiculously good in actual fact) but they have fuck all consideration for other road users.

Anyway... I digress.

Taxi out of the blue slams on his brakes in the middle of the lane, no attempt to pull over to the side at all and parks his machine.

Well....I for one as being committed to the fight against injustice decided to do something about it! The situation caused me to emergency brake where the back of the bike was sliding up what felt alongside my shoulder and I came to a neat stop next to the taxi. A whole flurry of expletives flew from my pretty mouth, so to emphasise my point, I politely 'tapped' on his side mirror with my fist in a downward motion causing said mirror to hit the road tarmac and shatter into a million pieces.

The look of horror was priceless, and then Phill once again rode off into the sunset a content and happy man knowing that justice had again prevailed!!

The below picture is quite common in the cities over there where taxi's will park 3 lanes across a 4 lane road. THIS IS NOT A PARKING AREA PEOPLE BUT A FREAKING ROAD FOR CARS/MOTORBIKES TO TRAVEL ON!!!

View attachment 423
Click to expand...
Jeebers what a bunch of c**ts, They are the same the world over.
 
Yakuza

Japan's 'mafia' is known as the Yakuza for those who have no idea. The largest group (Yamaguchi-gumi) are based in Kobe but spread far and wide. As mentioned earlier, I would travel from Ashiya which is near Kobe back to my home in Osaka which was a round trip that took a couple of hours.

This one day I'm coming back at it was about 7 pm and as I was coming up to Juso which is about 2/3 home and a considered sleezy section of town with many hostess bars etc I had this fucker come up flying behind me in a black Toyota Celsius which is what the Yakuza commonly drive over there. The windows were all blacked out and this fucker flew past me so closely I practically got lead poisoning from his paint!!

Anyway he got held up a few hundred metres ahead by cars sitting up at the traffic light and I was steaming!!

Being a fairly large guy that is known to 'defend my right' I flew up and pulled my bike up between the front of the Celsius and the car in front. Probably not the smartest move incase he had the balls to do what the other Asian driver did when attacked in the States recently, but again I digress.

I jumped off the bike and flew to the drivers window and gave it a big wrap with my fist and started screaming out rude things again. The guy opens his door and I see this old guy sitting in the back who must have been one of the seniors. Anyway, never one to let fear hold me back I started shouting "Shini tai ka?" (Do you want to die?) which is probably not the smartest thing to say to Yakuza but as I mentioned, I was steamed.

The driver's face was shock as I don't think that being Yakuza they would ever be spoken to like like, not even by the cops. Anyway, the old dude in the back barked out something that I couldn't pick up as I still had my helmet on and I was just fuming!

To my surprise, the driver got back into the car. Not to be dissuaded, I again banged down on his bonnet (hood for the Yanks) and then rode off. They followed at a distance and I expected for a while to get a calling at one of their convenient times but it never happened so Phill got to live another day!!
 
Last edited:
Cops # 2

One day again riding along the Shinmidosuji (Expressway) in Osaka but my bike was in the shop getting some work done on it so I was riding a Fat Chick (50cc scooter) that was the shop's courtesy bike.

Now the Expressway is not very 'express' as the speed limit is only 60km! When you ride a 50cc over there, the top legal speed that they are permitted to go is 30km. But as most of us know, the 50cc will manage 60km if you're willing to leave half the engine hanging out its tailpipe at the end of the ride, and me being on a loan bike, I was happy to take the risk.

So there's Phill, belting along the expressway at a regal 60km per hour when all of a sudden "Woooooo Woooooo" with the ever familiar flashing lights behind me.

I pull over and get off the scooter and the copper walked over to me. Usually they'll drag you into the back of their car but this one was happy to have the conversation on the side of the expressway.

He only spoke in Japanese so I couldn't play my previously mentioned game.

We go through the usual, license etc.

He tells me "Konno biku was 30km/h dake." (This bike can only go 30km/h.)

My reply "Chigaimasu, konno biku wa 60km/h dekiru." (You're wrong, this bike can do 60km/h).

He again repeats that it can only go at 30km/h. Meaning legally on the road but not actually spelling out he means legally.

Being a gaijin (foreign barbarian) I still argue the point. (Chigaou, mitte...60km/h dekiru, konno doro wa 60!" (Wrong, look....it can do 60km/h [pointing at the speedo], this road is 60!)

This went back 3 or 4 times without me giving any ground, especially once I was getting into the swing of the cut and thrust.

In the end, he got frustrated, thrusts my license back at me, mutters "Ki o tsukete" (Be careful) and hops back into his car.

Phill once again rode off into the sunset to fight another day!
 
Cops # 3 (Unhappy but funny ending)

Belting along San-gyo-doro, a main local road in my area, and I'm breezing past cars etc on my way this day.

Get up near the McDonald's and the local cops had set up a speed trap. It was my own fault as it was a well known speed trap point. What pissed me off though is when I passed the ferker sitting on his stool with the radar, I was actually being passed by some other young lout on his piece of shit.

Well the cops were out in force this day, they had about 4 cars parked on a side road to ticket people and I counted at least 3 or 4 cops on motorbikes as well.

Anyway....despite being passed, I was the only one actually pulled over and they let the other fucker keep going.

They took me to the back of one of their cop cars and do the usual grill. License, gaijin card (foreigners card that all us foreign barbarians must carry).

I was steamed sitting in the back and although clearly guilty of exceeding the speed limit, I was demanding to know why I was the only one pulled over and started accusing them that their was a racial factor involved as even with all my gear on, I was clearly a foreigner due to my size and shape.

These cops felt pretty confident considering that half of Osaka's police force seemed to be involved in this one particular speed trap so they were not being their usual quiet and respectful selves.

Anyway, they were adamant that I was going to get this fine and as part of their normal process when fining someone they wanted me to use a hanko stamp which is a personal stamp that people carry that acts like a signature. I didn't have my hanko on me (not required legally) so they informed that I would have to ink my finger and leave my print on the paper work.

That's fine but in cases like that, they are legally responsible to then provide the person with a wet wipe tissue to remove the residue ink.

I asked for the wet wipe tissue and this smirking fuck replies that I'm out of luck as they've run out!

Well knowing my rights, I shrug, smirk back that I'll make do and then wiped the ink off on the lace shit that they had covering their front seats! You should of seen the fuckers face! Especially when there was nothing he could do about it as they have to provide a cleaning cloth!

Hahaha

image.jpg

(Picture of various hanko stamps)
 
There seems to be a disturbing theme of "Angry Phill" here.

I can assure you all that I'm much better now that I've got my regular dose of medicine!

LOL
 
Phill Andera said:
I've a few interesting stories from being on two wheels in Japan. From the cops over there to my run in's with both taxi's and Yakuza.

Cops story

Riding back home late one night from finishing my classes and belting along the Shin midosuji (Expressway). Not really any cars out and in a world of glee as the day was over.

Coming up to my exit at Banpaku and come off the ramp at a decent speed and can see the lights are still green. Didn't really start to brake as thought I'd be able to make it. Lights turned amber and still thinking that I'd be ok. Couldn't see the traffic to the right (heading in the direction that I wanted to run) as there were no headlights shining. As I was about a bees dick from the intersection stop line, the lights turned red but I brezzed on through.

"Wooooooo Wooooo" went the sound of the local jacks with sudden lights flashing. Grrrrr....the fuckers had been waiting behind the lights where I couldn't see with their lights off.

I pulled over and they pull in ahead of me.

Over the mirophone I'm told to turn off the bike and get off. The cop walked over and takes me back to the back seat of his car so that they can talk to me.

Hop into the backseat of their car and they realise that I'm a gaijin (foreigner). They ask for my licence and the cop starts trying to speak to me in English but his Engrish English was terrible. I thought, "If you fuckers are going to try to speak English, I'm not going to make it easy to give me a ticket so I won't use any Japanese! :rolleyes:

The cop starts off "Eto....Eto.... REDo Stoppu!"

"Yep" I reply, "Red Stop"

"Hai. Blue Go". (For some strange reason, although traffic lights in Japan are the same colours as everywhere else, they insist on calling the green light Ao. This is my chance to play a little difficult).

"Hmmm... Red Stop Ok, Bluego...wakaranai" (Bluego...I don't understand).

He repeats it, "Redo Stopu, Blue Go".

This goes back and forth about 4 or 5 times, in the end, he gets frustrated, hands me back my licence with "Ki o tsukete" (Be careful)! LOL

Phill rode off into the night a free and happy man!! LOL

View attachment 421
Click to expand...
Ao translates to blue. This is the color that they call green traffic lights.
 
Clean up your trash people!!!

This happened on numerous occasions over in Japan but this particular version was the best just in the way that it played out.

I was riding over to visit some friends who lived in Hirakata which was about a 30 or 40 minutes ride away from my house. This day I was following a car with this dude that looked to be in his 30's driving.

He had his arm crooked out the window and I could see that he was smoking a durrie.

Anyway after following him for a few minutes, we pull up to a set of traffic lights and he drops his burning cigarette out the window next to his car.

Feeling in a bit of a cheeky mood and just generally pissed at his disregard for the rest of us, I moved the bike up alongside his car. You could see that he was a bit surprised and I guess intimidated to have a motorbike with a big gaijin pull up to his window.

I leant down, picked up the still burning cigarette butt and flicked it back into the car.

What made this occasion particularly fantastic was that it was the perfect flick. The cigarette butt flew straight passed his eyes and landed on the far side of his back seat. His shock and horror was written all over his face and will be a happy memory that I'll take to the grave.

You should have seen him as he was trying to fumble with unlocking his seatbelt and rescue this burning butt from burning his upholstery in the back!

Golden!

Phill the environmental defender rode off once again into the sunset to live another day!

LOL

image.jpg
 
Some might say agro, I prefer to call it a defender of my civil liberties!! :D

You'll be fine Cods, just don't stop me going through a red light, cut me off, nearly hit me, try to finger print me, give me a fine, throw a durrie in my vacinity, give me the shits, eat my lunch, touch my wife, sit on my bike, touch my bike, look at my bike or ask me for money.

Other than that, we're sweeeeeeet mate! :mad:
 
Phill Andera said:
I've a few interesting stories from being on two wheels in Japan. From the cops over there to my run in's with both taxi's and Yakuza.

Cops story

Riding back home late one night from finishing my classes and belting along the Shin midosuji (Expressway). Not really any cars out and in a world of glee as the day was over.

Coming up to my exit at Banpaku and come off the ramp at a decent speed and can see the lights are still green. Didn't really start to brake as thought I'd be able to make it. Lights turned amber and still thinking that I'd be ok. Couldn't see the traffic to the right (heading in the direction that I wanted to run) as there were no headlights shining. As I was about a bees dick from the intersection stop line, the lights turned red but I brezzed on through.

"Wooooooo Wooooo" went the sound of the local jacks with sudden lights flashing. Grrrrr....the fuckers had been waiting behind the lights where I couldn't see with their lights off.

I pulled over and they pull in ahead of me.

Over the mirophone I'm told to turn off the bike and get off. The cop walked over and takes me back to the back seat of his car so that they can talk to me.

Hop into the backseat of their car and they realise that I'm a gaijin (foreigner). They ask for my licence and the cop starts trying to speak to me in English but his Engrish English was terrible. I thought, "If you fuckers are going to try to speak English, I'm not going to make it easy to give me a ticket so I won't use any Japanese! :rolleyes:

The cop starts off "Eto....Eto.... REDo Stoppu!"

"Yep" I reply, "Red Stop"

"Hai. Blue Go". (For some strange reason, although traffic lights in Japan are the same colours as everywhere else, they insist on calling the green light Ao. This is my chance to play a little difficult).

"Hmmm... Red Stop Ok, Bluego...wakaranai" (Bluego...I don't understand).

He repeats it, "Redo Stopu, Blue Go".

This goes back and forth about 4 or 5 times, in the end, he gets frustrated, hands me back my licence with "Ki o tsukete" (Be careful)! LOL

Phill rode off into the night a free and happy man!! LOL

View attachment 421
Click to expand...


If a cop stops you in the states and he was hiding......Well, constitutionally you have a case....
 
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