This is long. Thanks ahead for reading this. No, I won't be doing a video on it at this time. Just moving on. You'll see why.
I've spent a LOT of time thinking about this, both before and since posting that Facebook update.
First of all, thank you all so much for your kind words and support. The awesomeness that is the motovlog community is a huge reason (well, the MAIN reason, actually) why I'm torn about "quitting." The friendships and connectedness and inside jokes and camaraderie and all that. This community is amazing. I love the support I get from others, and all the things you've taught me. I love watching new riders and new vloggers join and grow. I love being able to "pay it forward." i've been inspired, I've been taught, I've laughed and cried and drank beer with many of you. I wish there were meetups every weekend!
I still hope to make it to both coasts, and to England, Europe, etc., etc. *grouphug!*
Second of all, this isn't about letting the trolls "get to me." It's more about the fact that negative comments and messages are frequent enough to be a serious nuisance. And, yes, I turned off messaging and email alerts for comments more than 2 years ago. The haters still find a way to try to get a hold of you. It's like a bunch of stubborn mosquitoes who still find a way into the room. I'm just getting tired of trying to ignore them and constantly blocking them.
And some "trolls" take it too far. I've had 2 or 3 that have done that. They cross the line into obsessive, sociopath creeper. One was reported and it was discovered he has a very recent history of sexual violence. And, yes, I've had messages sent to me that threaten physical and sexual harm. Yes, police have been contacted and all records have been kept. This is a whole aspect of "motovlogging" that the guys aren't going to face and aren't going to understand how it feels, not really. It was enough to change my mind about not owning a firearm, let's put it that way.
Many of the trolls fall somewhere in between: they clearly have obsessive, sociopathic tendencies and some even have criminal records, but they're "mostly harmless." That doesn't mean the things they say don't qualify as harassment.
This is what it's like to be a woman in the 21st century. And that brings me to my final point: rampant misogyny. That's a common theme, regardless of the "level" of the troll. I did not grow up with this. I grew up in a culture that did not tolerate sexism or violence towards women. I first noticed it when I moved to Kansas City. I *certainly* noticed it working in the motorcycle industry here. "Isn't there a man around I can talk to?" Or, "Well, you can't really help me... Unless you want to make me something to eat." And they're being serious. "Do you even know anything about motorcycles?" I know i don't do a lot of gearhead talking in my videos, but I do know motorcycles. I don't care if people assume my ignorance. I haven't done a "how to" for basic riding, though I get asked a lot. I don't talk much about basic maintenance or how to install anything. I don't, because it would just sound like when Kaylee rants on during her interrogation in the Firefly episode "Bushwhacked" (I'm hoping there are other Firefly fans here??) I rant on and on and use a bunch of words that many of my subscribers will have no idea what I just said.
Okay, now I forgot what I was saying. I just had an epic Google rabbit trail regarding Firefly...
Right! Misogyny! Online, it's worse. The anonymity, combined with a sort of mob mentality, combined with that fact that everyone (even people who should probably keep their thoughts to themselves) has access to the internet... These things are like a perfect storm for a very unfriendly environment for women online. Online gaming, social media, etc., etc. They've all seen this problem and many voices have bravely spoken up about this. It's just not okay. By sheer numbers, it will be very hard to change, though.
And that leads me to my final conclusion, a version of which I posted on my personal Facebook page:
"Working in a male-dominated industry for the past four years or so, and living in a part of the country that is still shockingly sexist (it shocked me when I moved here, anyway), and dealing with all the arrows that come your way if you dare be a woman on the internet (my motovlogging on YouTube)... It's all making me feel slightly overwhelmed at times. The sense of oppression, inferiority, and powerlessness is something I never before experienced. I grew up in a culture where I was part of the majority (in race, religion, and economy), and diversity was celebrated. The feeling of not being taken seriously and not being valued can be maddening, if you let it get to you. What is this, 1950?
"I've been contemplating stepping down from motovlogging-something I love doing-because it has gotten so bad. But, then I realized I'd still face it in the motorcycle industry, and I certainly don't want to quit that either. I'd like to make a career out of it, actually. So, what do I do? If I quit my hobby, do I take a stand in my career? Do I move to a more progressive country? Give up riding? Do I completely change my life to silence the misogynists? It really won't stop until I'm "back in the kitchen," where I'm so often told I belong. And it won't stop there either. As much as I hate it, the fight will be there, whether I attempt to avoid it or not. I would not choose this, but there is no choice. In the immortal words of Mark: "Damn The Man! Save The Empire!" I guess I'll stand here."
In other words, it's not going away. If I don't face it on the internet, I'll face it at my job. If not at my job, then somewhere else. There will always be "haters." There will always be ignorance. There will always be miserable people who are both.
For now, I won't leave. I would miss too much.
This is what I would ask of each of you: 1) Please don't respond with hatred or violence or revealing personal details (which is against YT policy) to any trolls. 2 and 3) If you see something particularly alarming, report it. Good guys stop bad guys by speaking up. I need your help to help me "watch out." And not just me, but other women online. If you see someone say something sexist, say something. That's how the culture changes. (Close friends in jest is one thing, but you can't claim "I was only joking" across anonymity. That's not how healthy social boundaries work.)
If you read all this, thank you.
I do have a list of the ones to watch out for, and "Tic Toc" (and his other channel "infralaw") is definitely one of them. Just ignore him. That's what I do. He *really* wants attention. He even went so far as to steal one of my videos. That's the last I'll mention it. Another one opens almost too many sock accounts to keep track of (though I do have a comprehensive list, many of the channels now closed on their own). Again, my solution is the same: screenshot, block, ignore.
Don't engage the hate with hate. If our solution is to stop the hate, that isn't a solution. lol
