It's Ok To Not Be Ok.

[Tugboat]

Time to get personal in the off topic thread. I lost a friend. I wasn't too close to him but he liked to ride.
In the few years that I knew him I never knew he was hurting so much inside. He lost his battle with his own demons this past week. And with other personal events in my own life I can't help but reach out online to people. So be that person. Reach out to those you don't know. You never know, you might be the only one that does. I think about if I could have talked to him if I could of changed his thought process. Depression is not a mental illness. It is a disease. It grows and develops and takes control. There is one sure way to help and that is to talk about it.. So I repeat.. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just talk to someone when you feel down. When you have those negative thoughts in your head. Don't bottle it up and face your demons alone. Life is way too short.

I challenge you fellow motovloggers. Make that video talking about it. Don't keep this disease a silent killer.

And by all means, feel free to contact me with any of your troubles.

~Tugboat

RIP Joe. Your pain is now my strength.

 

[Reize]

I only had one person I knew who died in a motorcycle related incident, let's call him Joe. Just an acquaintance, nowhere close to being called a friend in my definition. Met him a couple of times at most, knew his name, talked to him a few.

One day over dinner with a bunch of other friends, one of our mutual friends said this guy had been riding up an incline, not very fast, but he couldn't see the other side of the descent. But on the other side was a taxi making an illegal U-turn from the other lane. Joe obviously couldn't know what he couldn't see and rode smack dab in to the side of the taxi and flew off his bike, down the slope. Guy broke his neck and died.

Was I sad? Maybe. I wasn't depressed definitely. I really felt like "Man, that really sucks" and "That shit could've been me" and "What a waste he died so young". Pretty much got over it like the next day after hearing it from my friend. His death did make me a lot more cautious and paranoid though, considering I had been in 2 accidents before and survived both with only a broken wrist and knee. Joe only got into one and he died. I could've rolled a bad set and been in his place pushing daisies.

 

[SighBored]

Sorry for your lost, Tugboat. May he rest in peace.

 

[Clint Love]

I've been contemplating doing a depression/suicide video for a while. Don't know if it will be a motovlog or just a regular vlog, but it's one of those situations where I really want to say the right things and it's a tough subject. Maybe I'll get off my ass and get around to it.

 

[SalvageSV]

Yeah man, depression is a tough thing. There is so much societal pressure to act and be a certain way and people feel bad for not conforming and then are called out for not conforming, then have a rough day and someone doesn't call/text them back and eventually just having to get out of bed seems like a waste. It's a terrible, dark spiral.

I deal with it a lot, but not to the degree that many do. I just get a lot on my shoulders and want to escape. I basically become an 8 year old and just want to play video games and ditch all responsibility. The issue is that for me to get out of the funk I usually need to tackle the issues that I'm facing, get the work done, finish the project or make progress in some way. When your natural reaction is to back away it makes it really tough to pull out of it.

I try to reach out to others when I see the signs. I've got a few friends on Facebook that I just know through mutual interests that struggle with it. I try to reach out but I feel like I'm not making much of an impact. Even so, maybe just getting a message from someone will let them know that they do matter and help give them some strength. That's what I hope, anyway.

Sorry to hear about your friend.

 

[Tugboat]

I feel the need to just outburst with all this. I've been sharing this for a week over a variety of platforms. I'm at a huge breaking point in my own life and I'm glad I found this forum to share it with.

 

[DanielJ]

By letting this out, in these Posts and videos, like a pressure cooker, its becoming a remedy to perhaps a build-up of pain and anguish inside? Full credit to you Tugboat for bringing up this subject.

To be honest, I've come close to suicide, the scene was set, but the final thoughts that my devoted young children were at home and waiting for Daddy to come home, stopped me in the final seconds.... If I took my life, I never would walk back in that door to be there for them....

People call suicide selfish. When I think I'd become a statistic, plus just a fragment of their memories, in the few years I spent with them, caring for them, laughing with them, then I agree. However younger children can 'adjust' much better to change (a family death), compared to say a teenage son or daughter - who'd have so many insecurities and questions ...WHY did it happen???

People also call suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I've experienced enough to know this planet has nothing more to offer me, no more riches, plus I expect nothing of society (having been let down so many times).

Only being around as a father for my children keeps me here now, lingering, still breathing, still walking on this hellish planet.

 

[OOmpiMoto]

Depression is one of those things that you just never know who is suffering. It could be someone right next to you but they are really good at hiding it.
How can you know to reach out to these people if you don't know?
I believe that all we can do is reach out to all and be a good friend or college in the hope that the other person feels comfortable to let the wall down just a little so we can be there for them.

I know and freely admit when asked if i am having a shit day. I have had some really bad days as well, especially in the last year.
But it was something in one of AdjrianNickelodeon's video that got me started with motovlogging that has really helped my days not be so bad.
The motovlogging community is just awsome for being there for others.

This is AdjrianNickelodeon's most recent video on the subject. It some's up the reason to keep going.

 

[Captain]

OK. Firstly Tugboat I'm sorry that for your friend it ended so badly for him to relieve himself from the pain and solitude.

I suffered with depression about 6yrs ago. It was so bad that I actually travelled to a place that was close to my heart from childhood and planned out my suicide. I had a few dry runs which basically involved driving my car into the sea but making it flip onto its roof during the process. In the end I couldn't do it to my kids and my then wife.

I made a decision to stop taking the tablets the following morning and get better. It was a long path back to normal and I spent a lot of time sat in the dark looking at the stars in the night sky. It was a horrible part of my life and I never have fully recovered.

To this day my parents don't know about how I suffered because I felt ashamed. My partner (Ms Captain Slow) knows about it as I thought it was best to be open from early in our relationship.

With regards making a vlog to help others. I have thought about it numerous times in the past as I can still relate to the feeling of loneliness and tunnel effect from day to day as the memories are forever there. My reason for not making a vlog is that I don't want to hurt my family as they were unaware at the time about my state of mind, and it would be unfair for them to feel in any way responsible.

My kids don't live with me and although they are grown up they were kept away from the dark feelings I went through.

I suppose I'm scared about how people will judge me if they found out.

Can I say though that vlogging is a great release from depression as behind the camera and YouTube frontage you can be anyone you want.