Feedback Needed Short Moto Film - Short Handed

LoneWolfer

LoneWolfer

Lone Wolfer Garage
I have been working on a short film and I'm hoping some of you fine folks would join in as the test audience. It is a bit gruesome in a few parts, just wanted to warn about that in case some people are put off by horror. If you are onboard, I would love to hear your thoughts here on the forum and thanks in advance!

 
Sorry, I have a habit of uploading my videos as private and forgetting to change them to published or at least unlisted. Hopeully fixed now.
 
I must agree with @HippoDrone - I also missed the message this was supposed to deliver. But I rarely understand deep artistic work.
About editing. I feel like editing tempo did not match the music tempo, in the beginning, the shots with the kid.
I loved the eye though. Some good props :D
 
Pretty cool. A bit of an odd pacing. But kudos for putting it all together and whatnot. I didn't really get the plot but the concept seems to be the "1 man, 2 lives" kind of dealie, which is a decent topic by itself.

As for things I think you can improve. The music and sound transitions could be smoother. And some shots could be skipped or shortened as they don't do much for the plot.
I'll also suggest that for the next project, whoever was filming should expand on their already decent cameraworking skills by reading up a bit on cinematography. As many of the shots were good but could be even better with more angles. Like using the down-low angle more to enhance the main characters position of power and so on.
 
Couldn't link the family time part with the tough biker with a tomahawk.. Maybe you were trying to show that a loving family man is also a ruthless butcher. It was OK and I do get the "short" handed part. Good effort.
 
Thanks for the input everybody. As with many creative endevours when its yours you can't always get a sense of what might be missing. I am a little confused though on the plot aspect people have mentioned. I'm not going for anything artsy or over the top or a big twist. On the contrary, I boiled it down to the simplest plot I could think of. Man spends time with family then goes to work and completes job. The theme, which might be what is elusive, I was going for is as F4celess and SighBored mentioned of the '1Man 2 Lives' family man/butcher concept. I'm trying to figure out what shot or arangement of the current shots I need to drive that point home a bit more obviously but can't quite nail it.

Would intersparsing the family sequence with the rest possibly make that more obvious?
 
I guess maybe you could start off with him having home cooked breakfast with the family and then drive off to "work" which then becomes the biker butcher for hire, then back home in time for dinner with the family, a big smile on his face like nothing happened just the usual day at work. Haha..
 
That would be a very different story from what I am going for SighBored. Maybe a possible sequal idea for later on if I do more stories with this character. And if I can get my nephew to actually sit still enough to do a meal scene; a challenge I'm not sure I'm up for.
 
LoneWolfer said:
Would intersparsing the family sequence with the rest possibly make that more obvious?
Click to expand...

That would definently make it more understandable. Bridging the two parts together. You have a long fade in there now, seperating the two scenes too much. But what I would think makes the connection clear is a fast cut from a portrait of the main character before he enters the truck, to a similarly composed shot of him on the bike.
Alternatively
He receives the phone call while with the family. It was a bit weird for him to kinda know when he would get the message. It would be a much more clear connection if the message came while he was with his family.
 
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