Joke Thread

Theodor

Don't wannabe
Nov 16, 2017
672
830
93
37
Estonia
I ride a
Valkyrie 1500
I know most people arn't in to Chuck Norris Jokes but I still think there are a few that are pretty funny.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity—three times.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
My favorites have always been:
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin, he built with his own hands.
Aliens exist, but they won't reveal themselves, before they are sure Chuck Norris is dead.
Chuck Norris was supposed to die a long time ago, but death has not gathered the courage to tell him.
When monsters gather around campfire, they often end up telling Norris stories.
 

LandyVlad

Modest Genius !
Jun 8, 2020
571
527
93
51
Brisbane, Australia
gsx1400owners.org
I ride a
Suzuki GSX1400
I love Chuck Norris statements. They aren't jokes, they are facts! :D

As for dark humour:

Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?” “To the morgue.” “What? But I’m not dead yet!” “And we’re not there yet.”

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died… ” Are you still holding the ladder?”

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

What animal has five legs? A pit-bull returning from a playground.

Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them and now it’s a sensitive subject.

I hate these double standards…if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re “doing a good job” do it at home and your “destroying evidence”.

My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgemental, but really, I’ve only ever known and loved her as Christine.

I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.

What is the difference between Iron man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

You can’t say that Hitler was entirely bad. After all, he did kill Hitler.
(but then again he also killed the man who killed Hitler)


darker:

After work, I volunteer to help blind children. By the way - that's a verb, not adjective.

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.


and VERY dark (no offence intended)


When a women removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye. But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses their shit…

Sparkly water was invented by the Germans. Who else would think of adding gas?
 

Drakhen99

The Forrest Gump of Motovloggers
Aug 31, 2020
1,201
1,093
113
road-reality.com
I ride a
2019 Harley Street Glide Special, 2005 Kawasaki Vulcan 800 Classic (bobber), 1979 Kawasaki KZ650SR
I laughed at a lot of those LV, I am going to Hell. Who's with me? Does Rever have a route planned?

-John
 
  • Like
Reactions: LandyVlad

Theodor

Don't wannabe
Nov 16, 2017
672
830
93
37
Estonia
I ride a
Valkyrie 1500
Ok. If we are probing the dark humor areas, I have a couple, that might get to be a bit much for few of you.

In ICU
Patient sighs: "Doctor.... when.... do you think... I can get out?"
Doctor, looking at monitors: "We need to wait a bit more, at least till the lines flatten out."

Nice afternoon in Grand Canyon. A man is having a stroll along the edge and spots a small boy, sitting alone in a picnic area, crying. A basket is next to him, with some food in it. Also some plates and some items of food have been taken out. He looks both ways, but can not see anyone else. Then he approaches the boy and asks: "What is wrong, young man?"
The boy explains through tears: "Mommy and daddy started shouting, and then mommy grabbed daddy and daddy grabbed mommy and they were pushing and shouting and mommy stepped over the edge and fell and daddy went with mommy and they have still not come back."
"Oh my, you are having really a bad day today," says the man, unzipping his pants.
 

Top Posters Past 30 days

Winners Video

Website Supported by Ipswich SEO

Latest posts